Hi webmaster, pls help to translate my story of sexual misconduct in chinese, so that other readers can all benefit and learn not to repeat my mistake.
I am 28 this year, having graduated from a top university insingapore3 years ago. These 3 years, i have not been able to progress in my career and have been switching many jobs. I believe this is the karmic result of sexual misconduct.
I met a married woman in year 2004 and have sexual relations with her. She had lied to me that she was single but later i found out actually she was married, but she moved out to stay by herself in an unit, as her husband cannot satisfy her sexually.
I still continued my sexual relationship with her till year 2006. Her husband had sent a private investigator to check on us, and eventually they filed for divorce. I felt it was my fault for their divorce.
Subsequently, i changed my handphone number and told myself not to contact her again. But in year 2007, i met her once to have sex. I knew i should not do that.
Also, in year 2007, i met a gal from the internet and had a one night stand with her. I tested negative for HIV laterwards and was glad of that.
I have been watching porn and masturbating for the past 15 years. I told myself to stop or reduce the frequency. I used to masturbate every night for 3 to 4 hours.
Till today, the maximum days i do not masturbate is 5 days, after which the urge will come.
I have a higher sex drive than most men, and i used to go to the red light districts to pay prostitutes for sex when i was just 19 years old. Even after having sex with prostitutes, i will still go home and shou yin.
Recently, i met this guy from the internet and he brought me to the red light district. He paid $70 for me to have paid sex with a china prostitute and i went up the hotel room. I told myself i should not have sex with her as i am tested HIV negative and do not want to go through the mental suffering of getting tested for HIV again.
But i gave the money to the prostitute and told her no need do sex. Do massage for me.
Anyway, retribution come quickly. A few days later, i found out a mushroom like skin attached to my penis( although the girl didnt touch my privates, but i believe this is retribution).
I have been doing good and evil these few years. I have went for voluntary funeral chanting sessions, release animal life in life liberation sessions, print dhamma books, meditation.
The evil i done is sexual misconduct, and that is the most evil of all. I have been tasting the fruits of it. Though i done some good deeds, its like a cup full of holes(evil deeds) and i am trying to fill the cup with water(good deeds). The cup is still empty.
This few years, i could not stay more than 7 months in a job, always meeting with unfriendly colleagues and difficult people. I have already changed over 10 jobs these 3 years and ended up lying in my resume that i gave private tutoring for 2 years.
This year, i have good interviews for me, but i ended up not going for them as i was very tired after shou yin till 4 to 5 am in the morning. Or sometimes, i will turn off the alarm clock and not go interview. It is very serious now. I hated myself for that.
I have been without a job for 4 months now and my savings are going low. I still sleep late abt 4am in the morning, wake up 2pm and then have a nap again till 6pm. I only apply job at night and when the companies call me for interview, my phone is off. As such, i miss many good opportunities. And even when i attend interview, the interviewers will ask me to wait for their phone call. I am so tired and sick of hearing that.
There was this temp assignment i had started work on tuesday, but the next day i didnt turn up for work as i turned off the alarm clock. I did not inform the company too, as i did not know what to say.
I really hope i can sleep early and wake up early so that i can go work, like other people.
I had come across your website by chance and am glad to see many people here suffering from the karma of sexual misconduct and hope that all can be free of this.
I read that reciting namo guan shi yin pu sha can reduce our sexual desire and i will work on that.
May readers not repeat my mistake and learn from it.
It is indeed true that sexual misconduct will lead one to having many enemies( in work, many unfriendly colleagues and enemies), also reduce ones fortune( no career), also cant meet the right girl who is a practising buddhist(these 3 years cant find the right girlfriend, the girls i meet are all for sex only)